"I love to hate." If that phrase "hook" didn't get you, I can't imagine the rest of this testament. But that's okay, I don't need acceptance (at least that's what I like to tell myself). What I need is for my brain, my heart, and my body to agree with my soul that I just don't care. I'm in a constant battle with myself. I assume everyone likes me and everyone hates me. And if that doesn't drive me crazy, then I think I just don't deserve this good life, but is my life good? I don't think anyone else in this big world feels what I feel. It could be that there is another awkwardly tall and good looking (at least I think I look good) 15 year old. He is shy and blushes constantly. NO, there can't be. If there was, then how come I haven't found a story like this? Does the idea of ​​being different stop me from killing myself? Maybe, and maybe not. I believe that if you are different, everyone knows you. With 7 billion people in this world, someone out there thinks just like you. If they don't, then you must be Steve Jobs or Mark Zuckerburg, but you're not, and neither am I. What I am, is a teenager who thought "why not write a story?" But I don't like writing, and that's because writing in class doesn't help you at all. "Write what comes into your head." This should blow your mind, “what's going on in my mind,” but it doesn't, and it never will. Why? WELL. You look up from the paper and see all the kids who are just like you, then you realize that the teacher said they will choose people to share their stories with. Now, your creativity goes down, you realize that you will be judged. Even if your story is so generic, those kids will look at you differently. So instead of writing something INCREDIBLY profound, you end up writing something pathetic… in the middle of the paper… many of today's marriages end in divorce and when something like this happens, it's almost major news. Maybe “love” was real, but it was turning into such monsters that it is becoming so rare that we assume it is no longer real. As I write this, I realize that the demons within me have said what they believe. Will I believe everything you just wrote in a year? Or one day? Maybe and maybe not. I will change what I believe and so will you. We are never the same person. Whether a decade or a day has passed. The way we see life will change as we meet new people, as we see new things. As we enter that unknown territory. Let's hope we continue to believe in what we once did, otherwise we will feel like we have failed. But we didn't, we changed. This change could be for the better or for the worse. If I confused you I apologize. If I have enlightened you, I have succeeded. My thoughts.